I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
