I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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