i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
did i just pee glitter
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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