My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
