he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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