Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize