Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
