thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
