Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize