My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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