I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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