i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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