Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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