it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
