Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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