the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
