lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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