Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
