i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
FUCK WHALES
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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