the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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