another moral hangover. fuck.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
