The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
