My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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