pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize