My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
