drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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