You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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