YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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