Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
