Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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