sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
