just tell him i said nine months
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
