Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
sex in a hospital.. check
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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