Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
