I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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