New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
