from now on my penis is your penis
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
