You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
