WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was confusing and full of hummus
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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