Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
