I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize