Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
bring money and cleavage
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
