Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize