You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
