i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
