i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize