my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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