He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
