1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
