im six kinds of drunk right now
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
