Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
