shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
