I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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