I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
