I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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