the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
