Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
