I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
At least life still wants to fuck me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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