dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
