i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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