Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
