I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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