My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
