Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
