Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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