five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
