Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
