I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
