I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
