Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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