He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
