he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
