My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
