I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I will be naked everywhere
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize