I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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