Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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