my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize