she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We're too hungover to prance.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
