bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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