That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize