1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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