one two three fourrrrnication!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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