were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
