Are we in a gay sports bar?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
