Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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