Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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