i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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