this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize