dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
