I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
