Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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