HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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