Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
