First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize