I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
