So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
