i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
