My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
