Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize