I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
