Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize