yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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