i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize