I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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